I would like to direct you to this blog entry before we begin:
Samuel Maurer’s Day Off
Good story, right?
5 months after this entry was written I moved into the same dorm, the same floor in fact, as Sam – Conner 2, English House. Units of measure were alive and well within the culture of Conner 2 during my stay there. To the best of my knowledge there were only two rules regarding the units of measure.
- Celebrities get to define their own units of measure.
- Everybody else has to have their unit assigned to them by another member of Conner 2.
I can’t remember all of the units of my floormates but I remember a few. A Tang measured orthogonality to conversation. A Graybill is a unit of harem. The Itani is a unit of negative tact. A Snively is equal to 1 byte wasted on the internet.
Friends with units is great, but what I really enjoyed, and still enjoy, is collecting celebrity units. You see, the Colbert story (go read the blog entry I linked to above, seriously, it’s short and important) prompted a desire to get other celebrities to answer the question –
“If your last name were a unit of measure, what would it measure?”
Over my four years at MIT, and in the years since I graduated, I’ve continued to collect celebrity units. I’m not always the one asking the question, of course – I don’t rub shoulders with famous people all that frequently. Friends who find themselves in fortuitous situations will often ask the question and add their catch to the list. We’ve acquired quite a few big names and cool units over the years and I figured it was time to share.
I believe this is the most complete list of the celebrity units we’ve collected. I’ve posted it below. Enjoy!
- RL Stine = “Screams”
- Evan Mathis = “Power”
- Nicholas Negroponte = “Measure of perspective, not IQ”
- Stephen Colbert = “Ball”
- John Stewart = “Knish”
- Steve Ballmer = “Energy!!” (made all the more terrifying due to the double factorial)
- Eran Ergozy = “How fun it is to work at a company”
- Steven Sinofksy = “Blogging words per minute”
- Barack Obama = I tried my best
- Kari Byron = “Cheesiness on the pun scale”
- Tory Belleci = “Pain”
- Grant Imahara = “Robot’s potential destructiveness”
- Paul Provenza = “madness”
- Matt Kirshen = “redundancy”
- Scott Adams = “1 degree of potential awesomeness”
- Francis Lawrence = “the amount of sweat on somebody’s palm”
- Penn Jillette = “Nanohumor”
- Emery Emery = “level of abrasiveness in comedic material”
- Randall Munroe = “river output”
- Joi Ito = “useful connections made in a day”